When she was a newborn, and wouldnt nurse, I was terrified.She hated to be held, was obsessed with ceiling fans and water. Preferred her stroller over being "worn".
When she was one and couldn't walk, I was bewildered.
When she was 2 and eating slugs, I was embarrassed and confused. We started therapy for motor delays (large and small) and I was told, "Maybe this is as good as it is going to get."
She turned three and started behaviors that were typical for kids with sensory processing disorder, like chewing her nails, self stimming, refusal to come out of her imaginative world, and I was doubtful that I could handle this, that I could raise this little girl. I began to try to fix all of her problems, make her outgrow them faster.
Then, at the end of her year at Head start, the school behavioral psychologist sat down with us and told us that our daughter had moderate to severe Sensory Processing Disorder. That THIS IS WHO SHE IS. It's not something we can make her outgrow. This is Myra. I was crushed. The inability to make friends? The need to eat paint? This is MYRA? The Psychologist talked about needing to accept her as she was, and stop trying to "fix" her. "She's not broken," they told us, "Everyone is different. This is the kind of different that your precious girl is." They emphasized helping those around her to understand her, rather than forcing her to conform to those around her.
When she was 5, she started kindergarten. It was a long, embarrassing year for both of us. She did not have the social skills necessary to properly function in a regular ed class, but i was unable to get her on an IEP. She ate playdough. She self stimmed at circle time. She put her hands around some kids neck. She cut another kids hair because he reached in front of her during art class. She almost got sued because she wouldnt stop loving on some little boy and his mom freaked out. It was a horrible year.
Myra turned 6, started summer daycare. At first, these behaviors continued... but then, around august, something changed....
She started 1st grade on a 504. For the first 2 months, we went to countless meetings trying to hash out details. I was worried because the school wouldnt provide what Myra had needed last year to be sucessful, and her teacher was unyielding and very strict. I worried and worried. But ya know what, its worked out okay. Myra only self stims in her own room. She doesn't eat paint anymore. She is learning to keep her hands off people. She HAS FRIENDS! Myra still has SPD and will always have it. But she has been maturing at a very rapid rate and has begun to adapt. I am so proud of her!
All of this is becoming easier. I dont freak out anymore if Myra does something "off" for kids her age. Yes, she prefers her pretend friends to real friends, still. But she will play with real friends when the opportunity presents itself. I look back at how scared I was when she was 10 days old and I realized something was "different" about her. Yes, she's different. But she is smart, caring, courageous, loving, happy.. She keeps reaching outside her comfort zone... She reads at a high 2nd grade level. She cares for her brother as a mama, sometimes. :) She's not perfect, of course, but she is MYRA! My precious miracle.
